Catharsis and Cream Cheese

Around 12 years ago I developed a crippling fear of flying. I’ve flown many times in my younger life without issue. But something happened that made this more difficult as time went on. I equate this fear to my years working at what was then called BMO Harris Bank.

Harris Bank was a Midwest bank bought out by BMO (Bank of Montreal), a Canadian bank. I worked at one of the slowest branches, averaging around 2 customers per hour. Boredom was frequent, and most of the internet was not available due to reasons I still don’t understand. But I found that some websites did allow access. Namely The Globe and Mail (Canadian newspaper) and Wikipedia.

I would spend my days Wikipedia-ing, catching up on the goings on in Canada, and playing Globe and Mail’s Sudoku. Wikipedia doesn’t exactly feed you what it thinks you find interesting, so I had to search for things on my own. For better or worse (let’s go with worse), I found myself stumbling down a rabbit hole of every major plane crash since the invention of aviation. It felt like the Matrix when Neo learns Kung Fu, but with plane crashes. And instead of Morpheus, it was my amygdala saying, “Show me.”

If you look closely behind my left eye, you can see raging unadulterated fear

The past 5 years have unfortunately been full of negatives (covid aside). The loss of my parents and a good friend, combined with a very difficult and stressful job (until last year), created the perfect storm that sent me into a not-so-great place. I believe the term for it is the super duper sads. When going to sleep is the best part of your day, it either means you have a great mattress or that you need help.

A recent road trip to Vancouver has knocked loose a part of me that liked to give in to my anxiety and fear. So, instead of sitting back and doing nothing, I’ve decided to try and do many things I normally would find uncomfortable, such as taking a plane across the pond to travel through Europe for 4 months. First stop: A London house boat.

These are my stories [Law and Order dun dun]

Random Stats

New things tried since Vancouver:

• Working out – Fantastic
• Eating healthier – Good stuff
• Salsa class – Humbling. I thought I had rhythm before, but it turns out I’m just Picard shuffling back and forth

35L Backpack (23lbs of gear):

• 3 t-shirts
• 2 long sleeves
• 1 hoodie
• 1 button up
• 2 pairs of pants
• 1 pair of shorts
• 5 pairs of underwear
• 5 pairs of socks
• laptop
• toiletries (travel tooth brush, travel deodorant, comb, medication, beard trimmer, lotion, hair clay, nail clipper set)
• 16L day pack
• rain cover for backpack
• umbrella
• TRX Bands
• 2 resistance bands
• Tech stuffs (3ft usb-c cord, 6 ft usb-c cord, usb cord converter, phone tripod, anker 10000mah battery, anker GaNPrime plug, Mogics Power Donut)
• 3x Field Notes, 3x pens
• Travel towel (52×24 in)
• Hat
• Sunglasses
• dry bag